Have you ever been enjoying a nice time with your partner; perhaps while cooking dinner, out on a date, or just spending time together at home? The conversation is going well and everything is flowing smoothly, when suddenly – you find yourself in the middle of an argument! Your feelings have been hurt or you have become angry. She’s crying and you’ve shut down. Once the argument is over, you look around and see the rubble and wonder what just happened! Everything’s a blur…
I think I can safely say this has happened for many of us. Ask yourself: How many times have you become upset, hurt, angry, uncomfortable, or any other negative emotion, because of what someone said to you? When you reflect back, was it actually because of what they said to you that caused those negative emotions, or was it because of the way they said it? Usually, these types of misunderstandings occur because we’re not listening to what’s being said, we’re listening to our partner’s physiology; their facial expression, their tone of voice, or their body language. This is an indication that we’ve been triggered by our interpretation of a look, a tone, or a gesture of our partner’s.
Negative experiences from our past are the reasons we’re triggered. When we see something in our partner that reminds us of something that did not make us feel good, we react. Understanding that what happened then has nothing to do with our lives now, can make a positive difference in our relationships. When we’re aware of our triggers, we’re free to change and choose the emotions that are most beneficial to us and those around us. The emotions that no longer serve us are the ones we must release.
Today’s tip is:
Listen To The Words Being Said. There’s an important message beneath the rubble of your interpretation of your partner’s physiology.