Appreciation Or Expectation: Which One Compliments Your Relationship?

appreciation or expectation relationships

So you’re five months into a new relationship and the person couldn’t be a better fit for you. The stimulating conversations excite and motivate, the laughter brings much welcomed joy, and the sex – the sex – couldn’t have come at a better time! It’s been a while since you’ve felt like this about someone. You had begun to wonder if love had just passed you by. Yet, to your surprise love has arrived, and now your current mantra is full of phrases thanking the Universe for such a perfect connection. You appreciate this person; Life is good!

Does that sound familiar to you? Sweet, sweet love; we are always so joy-filled when it chooses us. It brightens our days and comforts us through the midnight hours. During these times we are expecting nothing, and appreciating everything. Like I said … Life is good.

But let me ask you something, how did you feel when you met your current partner? If you’ve been together for more than a couple years, how do you feel today?

In relationships it is easy for us to forget about the love that brought us together. In the beginning it enhanced our lives, and we were happy to have it. However, once we become comfortable in the union we’ve been so appreciative of, it seems that with time, it is no longer enough. We begin to have expectations outside of love, which throws our partner off guard. We begin to demand things that even we have no idea why we are expecting them. Once our perspective has shifted, what begins to happen in the the relationship? Bickering ensues, blaming enters and you wonder why you’re with this person. Love begins to dissipate. Is this ever what we really want?

I don’t think so.

I’m a big fan of Tony Robbins, and after watching his video on the topic of appreciation versus expectation, I was inspired to write this blog. Tony says appreciation is the secret to fulfillment. In the video he makes a suggestion. He says, “Change your expectation into appreciation and your whole life becomes a miracle.”

I agree with him. When were you happier in your relationship – when you appreciated your partner, or when you began to have expectations of them? If we follow the law of familiarity we begin to take that familiar person for granted. We can never get what we want from someone when we expect it. Yet, when in appreciation, the world seems to be singing our song.

I’ve offered a few tips that you can begin today. Try them and see how your relationship improves.
Look for things your partner does that you like.
Give without any expectations.
Complement them at least one time a day.
Love them for them, not for what they give or do.
See their light.

Expectations disappoint, while appreciation forever brings us joy!

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  • Karah Jul 20,2016 at 1:16 pm

    I don’t care if my house value drops. I bought it to have a place to live, not to become a birollnaiie. Health and physical well-being is what is important, not what Mercedes you drive, McMansion you live in, or designer pocketbook your wife has.

    • Lateefah Wielenga, Ph.D. Jul 26,2016 at 9:21 pm

      Is this a response to the blog “Appreciation or Expectation:…”?

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