Romantic Relationships

The Art of Flirting

Happy couple flirting and kissing - The Art of Flirting

“First best is falling in love. Second best is being in love. Least best is falling out of love. But any of it is better than never having been in love.”  —Maya Angelou

Kate Jones, of Co-Operative Foods, commissioned a study that found couples start taking each other for granted three and half years into their marriage. The poll of 2,000 married adults indicated three years is the point where couples lose the dating buzz. The couples in the poll prefer sleep over sex, and stop saying ‘I love you’. The research also showed after three and a half years, cuddling up on the couch together, going to bed at the same time, and eating dinner together became a thing of the past.

Physical intimacy is usually the first thing to go when a couple’s going through a rough patch. When things aren’t working in the relationship, there are three things happening. First there is a communication breakdown. Then one, or both of you shut down. Finally, there’s no sign of love to be found.

And during this time, undoubtedly one of you is thinking, if not saying aloud, ‘don’t touch me’. But I’ve got a surprise that can assist you when you’re coming out of your funk, and you’re ready to make-up. It’ll keep the spark alive, and the disagreements to a minimum.

Flirting Your Way Back to Romance

Just because this case study draws this conclusion, doesn’t necessarily mean this is your fate. Those statistics don’t have to include you and your lover. You can be the exception. But if you feel your relationship is headed in that direction, you have to bring it back on course.

Earlier this year I posted a five-day challenge for my Facebook group, Kiva’s Corner: Bringing Light to Your Relationship. The challenge was called Reignite Your Relationship. Each day offered PowerPoint slides to help the contestants improve their relationships. I thought this challenge important because it helped people see what they took for granted in their relationships, and how they could reignite the romance – rekindle the spark.

On the first day of the challenge, they learned to practice the art of flirting. Do you flirt with your partner? It seems that once people enter a relationship, they believe flirting with their mate is no longer necessary. Wrong! The same things you did when you first met your significant other, are the same things you must continue to do to keep the love alive. I’ve made the slides available to everyone so you can begin to bring the sexy back in your relationship.

Just click the button below for access to the slides, and if you do the simple homework, I promise you’ll see a difference.

I hope you enjoy, and let me know your results in the comments section.

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Self Love

4 Tips to Get Through Thanksgiving This Year

thanksgiving dinner party

I’m about to head to the grocery store to pick up five large yams, or sweet potatoes; sometimes I use both. Each year my friend and her husband host a fabulous Thanksgiving feast, and most of the guests bring a side dish. Needless to say, I bring the candied yams.

Thanksgiving is the time of year when we gather with family and friends to give thanks for all we have, and everyone we love. Each year is different, and yet – just the same.

Where I now spend my Thanksgiving is fun and lively. We experience happy reunions, big smiles, great music, and fantastic wines! The first few hours are designated for wine and cocktails, then dinner is served.

This feast was originally started for those who’d rather not spend Thanksgiving Day with their birth families, or they had no family close enough to share the day. Usually between 25 to 30 people show up.

Where most Thanksgiving gatherings have a football game on somewhere in the house, I can’t remember one being on here. Conversations and laughter are the primary focus.

Yet, I know that even though Thanksgiving is supposed to be a joyous occasion, many dread the challenges it brings. Couples going through a breakup or divorce, or individuals remembering old conflicts with the very people they’re supposed to break bread with, can find that Thanksgiving Day is an agonizing experience.

Regain Emotional Control This Thanksgiving

If you’re in one of these categories, you could be there longer than you’d like. But, the choice is always yours to change things for the better, and being where you are, isn’t where you have to remain. You can change your perspective. After all – it is Thanksgiving.

The change begins by asking yourself how you might regain emotional control. Here are some strategies:

Make a gratitude list

Creating a list of things you’re grateful for helps you redirect your focus from the negative to the positive things in your life. The process uplifts you, reminds you of how fortunate you truly are.

As positive thoughts build upon each other, you’ll feel the shift in your mood. Research by the Mayo Clinic reveals that positive thinking is linked to a wide range of health improvements, including longer life spans, less stress, less depression, better stress management and coping skills, increased physical well-being, and overall better psychological health.

Take time for yourself

If you’re without your children, family or friends on this holiday, appreciate the next time you have planned to see them. Look forward to their return. Meanwhile, do something for yourself that you have not had time to do.

Create new traditions

Create new traditions with your children or loved ones. Fun and imaginative things that pump energy into your new life are a good idea. How about making a nontraditional Thanksgiving dinner for the day after, including everyone in the preparation? Bake cookies. Watch a fun movie. Make good memories.

Practice forgiveness

Forgive the person you are holding the grudge against. Life doesn’t last that long and it’s a waste of your precious time. Keep your focus on gratitude, as those are the thoughts that make you feel inspired and uplifted.

These tips will help you have an enjoyable holiday. You may even pass them on to a friend.

In the spirit of sharing, tell me how you’ve spent your Thanksgivings. What’s your favorite part of the meal? How do you contribute to the day? What are you thankful for?

Place your response in the response box.

Happy Thanksgiving!

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Romantic Relationships

3 Signs Your Relationship Needs A Refresh

couple on couch that needs a relationship refresh

I think it’s safe to say we have all experienced difficulties in our relationships.  One of the reasons being, we are individuals with our own views, thoughts and feelings and are not going to always agree with the person we love.

When we find ourselves against a wall of discomfort and don’t know how to handle or communicate our feelings, we may want to walk away from the relationship. No. Running is not a loving option.

Since two people are in the relationship, problems can be discussed and rectified – even if the conversation is difficult. Remember – we are all unique with a variety of needs and desires.  Someone in the relationship may feel that their needs are not being met and unmet needs cause problems.

3 signs that indicate your relationship needs to be refreshed.

I have learned that there are three things that happen in a relationship that start to cause problems. When all of these are present at the same time, it is a sign that you need to address  the problems and begin to refresh your relationship.

Communication Breakdown

One of the reasons for communication breakdown is fear.  Many people do not feel safe when another knows personal things about them.  There are times in an intimate relationship when old cellular memories begin to surface, and insecurities show up.  These negative emotions cause us to withhold the very information that would help to strengthen our bond.

Keeping secrets or just not being totally honest is a problem within itself. If you fear you could lose your partner’s love if he or she really knows you, take the risk of transparency. You may be surprised.

Vulnerability is an indication of courage and trust. Your own personal courage and the trust you have in your partner. When you allow vulnerability in your relationship, sometimes love just doubles in size!


When you find yourselves bickering, that is a clear indication that someone is not feeling cared for, paid attention to or nurtured.  Blaming and the use of sarcasm begins because resentment is creeping into your relationship.

This usually happens because the person committing these offenses is not comfortable communicating their wants and needs.  There are many ways to convey a message, and they have chosen to take a passive-aggressive route. The best way to communicate a need or desire is to be clear and honest.

Do not lash out and take the negative behavior personally. How another person acts has nothing to do with you, although you may want to help your partner feel safe enough to express their feelings.

This is another time when authentic communication is required.  Many times we expect our partner to know how we feel, but that’s not fair.  Until they are told, they do not know, so always talk to your partner.

Less/No Sex

High on the list of importance in a relationship is sex.  We need sex to feel connected to our partner. The physical touch, the warmth and emotional closeness demonstrate Eros love, as explained in John Lee’s six types of love.

If sex begins to lessen considerably or becomes nonexistent, there are usually reasons for it. As stated previously, when someone’s needs are not being met, communication breaks down, bickering begins, and sex slows down.

If a couple of the reasons for the change in sexual activity includes work or children, that can be rectified immediately.  Make the time for sex as often as possible.

Communicating your needs and desires openly is the path to consistent, desired sex.  Your thoughts, feeling, and desires are important.  Let your partner know them.

Relationships are resilient and can stand up to the toughest challenges.  When these problems arise, remember that they are usually temporary.  Remember to communicate openly with your partner, as that is the key to true intimacy.  As soon as you see a problem has entered the relational space, address it immediately.  It will not go away on its own.

If these problems are persisting and one of you does not want to resolve it, seek professional help.

(This article was initially by Dr.Wielenga, for the Grunion Gazette online Relationship column.)

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Romantic Relationships

Dating Trials and Errors

Couple on a date - Dating Trials and Errors

Last week I started this story and gave you 6 tips for getting back in the dating game that I learned when I started dating again after a bad break-up. If you haven’t read that yet, I suggest you go back and read it now.

Needless to say, the online dating scene didn’t quite work for me, so I removed my profile and resumed my life. But not too long after that fiasco, I attended my friend’s Bay Day (what she calls her annual beach party). I remember it clearly because I had to leave early to go to my Mom’s house for her birthday. The day was ease and flow. Nice.

The next week my friend called and told me a guy who I’d met at her party was interested in me. She said he’d been asking her for my number since the beach party. I was flattered, but not really interested. I didn’t even remember who the guy was. I asked her if she knew him, and she told me he was her neighbor and she assured me he was a nice guy.

Now this is cool because I can share with you some of the do’s and things to watch out for when feeling out a new relationship. I’m smiling as I write this, remembering it all. We’re always learning – no matter our age or life experiences.

I’m going to refer to him as Bi-continental, as he lived here and there. 😊 In the beginning, as with most beginnings, things were exciting and fun. He was a total gentleman. He was complimentary, interesting, successful, and smart about a lot of things. He seemed to be into me, and with time, I began to like him. Oh yeah, did I mention he was sexy? Well he was to me.

As our conversations got deeper, and I observed him without the rose-colored glasses, I realized we wanted different things. I wanted a committed relationship, and he was only looking for fun. I noticed when we’d go out – and we’d always do something together – his mantra was, “This is so fun.” Sometimes it’d seem like he was in his own little world without my company, reveling in the fun. Now don’t get me wrong, I love to have fun, but if you’re just spending time with me because you want a fun buddy, please let me in so I can make a decision.

I started to notice his impatience with me, in terms of my values. The more time we spent together, the more I could see he liked a good argument. That is quite the opposite of me, as I’d rather resolve conflict, or not have them at all. So, with time we let the relationship fade to black.

When dating, make sure to:

  1. Be yourself
  2. Use your voice
  3. Be observant
  4. Have fun
  5. Let them know what you want from the relationship

But watch out for:

  1. Changes in behavior/theirs or yours
  2. Verbal coercion – don’t be forced to change you values
  3. Your happiness declines- if you’re unhappy or uncomfortable

Bi-continental was a nice guy, but he also had a side to him that wasn’t so nice, and he wasn’t afraid to show it. In the relationship, I was transparent and allowed him to see me. There must have been things about me that didn’t agree with him. But that’s fine, because how can a future mate get to know us if we keep ourselves from them?

We enter a relationship with the idea of sharing our life with someone. If you find it’s a struggle in the beginning, you’ll only get more of that throughout the relationship. You’re worth anything that you can conceive. Stay true to who you are, while growing along the way, and life will bring you the gifts that you allow.

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Romantic Relationships

6 Tips For Getting Back in the Dating Game

First date over coffee - starting to date again after a break-up

One of the reasons I became a relationship coach was because of a painful break-up that I experienced which triggered a devastating illness. Once I found my way back to physical, and emotional health, I spent years researching and interviewing people about relationship issues.

This gave me real insight into my own behaviors and helped me realize that most of the problems I’d faced in my former relationship plagued many other relationships as well. I also began to acknowledge what damage stress and unhappiness can bring to our physical bodies.

So when I came out of the fog, and was finally ready to begin dating again, a good friend insistent that I join a dating service. I found the whole experience exhausting and time consuming, but I put up a photo and a profile and began going out again.

Those first dates included dinner, wine, or cocktails, but nothing ever went any further than the valet area of the restaurant. I was starting to get frustrated and thought that it was a total waste of time.

After another one of these first dates, I had a conversation with a male associate of mine that completely changed my dating experience. He introduced me to the etiquette of online dating.

Online Dating Etiquette:

  1. A coffee date is getting to know if there’s an attraction.
  2. A lunch date indicates there may have been an attraction or some chemistry, and during lunch you are able to see if you want to pursue it further.
  3. A dinner date implies romance.

Ah, I see. There is a method to the madness!

Dating can be like a game, and it depends on where you are in your life how you decide to play it. When we date there are no commitments, and according to relationship expert Dr. Pat Allen, we should enter into a contract before we start to “play house” with the person we’re dating.

The contract helps to assure that everyone knows where they stand in the relationship, and each person is on the same page. She says it makes sense to have a contract for any type of relationship you’re forming. Casual or leading to marriage.

When you go out, do you have a glass of wine or a cocktail? For most of us that’s normal, right? Well, Dr. Allen doesn’t encourage drinking on a first date. In fact, she’s against it, and I’ll tell you why.

Having a glass of wine may knock the edge off, but having any libation also lowers your inhibitions, and impairs your judgement. We can become so relaxed, that we believe we like our first date more than we actually do. This can lead to pre-mature sex, and regrets in the morning. Even though we live in the 21 Century, many of us still have the beliefs of the past. Not drinking on a first date may make you feel uncomfortable, but it may save you from yourself. Try it and see how well you’re able to see that person without the spell of the spirt.

If the two of you decide to see each other again, you can still look each other in the eyes while awaiting a new adventure. There is no remorse. So let me sum it up for you:

Six Tips to Consider When Starting to Date:

  1. No alcohol on the first few dates.
  2. If you two want it to go further, create a contract
  3. Have coffee to get a feeling for the person.
  4. If you think you may like them, have lunch.
  5. Remember that a dinner date implies romance.
  6. Know what you want.

Let me know what you think in the comments below, especially about the no drinking part.

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Romantic Relationships

Are You Struggling because of Infidelity?

Couple struggling because if infidelity in the relationship

When you were a child, did you ever see the cartoons that included two little characters that were supposed to be depictions of our conscious? One donned a halo, and the other had horns. They would sit on each shoulder of the character that got caught in a dilemma.  Do you remember?

I’m bringing this to mind because, although we are no longer children, and we know right from wrong, those little cartoon characters remain with us. We still find ourselves battling it out with what we know is the right thing to do, and what we want to do – no matter what the consequence.

I deal with couples in my practice, and as you can probably imagine, I hear a lot. Unfortunately, every now and then, I find myself listening to stories of the pain and emotional trauma created by infidelity. Someone in the relationship decided the way to deal with their temporary curiosity, their anger, lack of effective communication, or a misunderstanding … is to cheat. When this thought occurs to one of the partners in a relationship, it seems the character with the halo is losing, as its counterpart has planned and executed the rendezvous.

Very seldom does the rendezvous happen only once. Sometimes an affair can go on for years. No matter which person in the relationship is having the affair, YOU who are suffering have a decision to make. You can opt to try to work things out, or you can walk away. Let me give you some suggestions for staying, if that’s the choice you make.

  1. Do not get even – This will only make things worse and cause more pain.
  2. Do not blame yourself – Your partner’s cheating had/has nothing to do with you.
  3. Forgive them – Everything is temporary and everything changes. It’s a law of the Universe.
  4. Talk about it – You want to discuss it as a couple to begin the healing process and to start making that crucial shift.
  5. Seek professional help – Infidelity is a major problem that usually requires a professional to uncover hidden issues in the relationship and the individuals.
  6. Heal at your own pace, it takes time.

If you find this doesn’t work because:

  • You can’t stop bringing it up
  • You can’t forgive them
  • The offender continues to offend

Then you must move on. End the relationship quickly and decisively. This isn’t something you want to drag out or allow the possibility of getting back together to plague your mind.

And when you begin dating again, I have some tips for you. But that’s in next week’s blog.

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Romantic Relationships

What Men Need to Feel Loved

5 Things men need to feel loved

Ladies, this one’s for you.

Some of you may already know what men need to feel loved – but for those of you who aren’t clear on the matter, listen-up!

For many men, to be emotionally engaged in a relationship is a challenge. Expressing feelings and emotions is unchartered territory, since they’ve been taught not to express their emotions. That their role is to be tough, be in charge, and take control.

When men need to process what’s happening within the relationship and within themselves, many of them make it an inside job. Though you may feel left out, believe me – it’s not about you.

Five Things Men Need to Feel Loved

Whether you are in a brand new relationship or have been married for 15 years, these are 5 things your man needs from you to feel loved in your relationship.


Usually women are nurturers in a relationship, and they want to create a connection. Oftentimes the connection they’re attempting to create leaves the man feeling overwhelmed, as he needs time to first process information and feelings. He begins to feel pressured to make an immediate emotional connection, which leads to miscommunication and strife. Observe him and what he needs, you’ll be happy you did.


Although men are supposed to be strong and sometimes seem emotionless, that’s a façade. Society has placed pressure on men to play that role, when men – like women – need to feel loved and cared for. Most men naturally have the need to provide, but once that need is fulfilled, they need love.

Maslow’s hierarchy of needs theory says that for love and belonging to occur, first the physiological and safety needs to be fulfilled. Men need to be shown affection. Touch him, kiss him, and look into his eyes when you’re saying something complimentary to him.

Under the rigid exterior of a man, there lives a little boy who wants and needs to feel loved.


In 1967, when Aretha Franklin sang the song ‘Respect’ and made it a hit record, her voice wasn’t the only reason it did so well. The lyrics inspired women all over, to be more confident and take charge of their lives. But did you know it was originally written by Otis Redding, and about a man who will give his woman anything she wants, as long as she shows him the respect he feels that he deserves?

One of the ways you can make an emotional connection with your man is to clearly demonstrate you respect the decisions he makes (if you truly do), and respect his work ethics and accomplishments. When a man makes an effort to succeed, he needs your support. He needs to know that you respect him.


It’s not a rarity to hear men and woman say they feel like they’re speaking a different language. Sometimes they are, when they’re coming from their gender positions.

Men and women are different, and until you really get to know your partner, you’ll find yourself feeling like you can’t live with him, and you can’t live without him. You’ll understand your man better when you accept his maleness and appreciate that he’s different from you.

Let him be himself without criticizing. Remember there’s a little boy in him, and a little girl in you.


I put this last, despite the fact that it could have been first ?. Women feel love emotionally, while men feel love physically. That’s one of the first things they think about because that’s the way they’re made.

The primary way men feel loved is by having sex with the person they love, that’s how they feel connected. If you’re able to create the emotional connection you need, and giving him the physical connection he needs, everyone wins.

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Romantic Relationships

The Do’s and Don’ts of Love & Relationships

Happy couple holding each other in love

You had no idea it was coming, but Love wrapped you in its blanket the moment you set eyes on each other. Time seemed to stop – then things felt like they were going in slow motion. Yet, the clock was ticking and the journey began. You didn’t know where ‘this’ was taking you, but it was – and still, may even be exciting! Usually in the beginning of something new we tend to get excited. That’s because it’s a mystery. We want to discover all we can about the person that has activated such good feelings in us.

But then, things gradually begin to change. Once you’ve gotten to know your new lover, your vision’s gotten broader and now you can see they aren’t perfect. It’s called the law of familiarity. This law can lead to misperceptions about the people in our lives.

The Do’s of love and relationships

  1. Developing emotional connections
  2. Learning the little-things about each other
  3. Keeping the lines of honest communication open

Developing emotional connection

When living together, or spending a lot of time, make sure you value more than the physical aspects of your relationship. Make sure you cultivate the emotional connection. An emotional connection is making your partner’s needs a priority. Being emotionally tied can create a telepathic bond, giving each person access to the other’s heart. Developing this skill takes time and work; be patient with each other and listen.

Learning the little-things about each other

Pay attention. Be observant. Listen.

Keeping the lines of communication open

Are there goals you’d like to accomplish as a team? There’s a saying, that 95% of the things we worry about never happen. Our goals do not always work out. Creating a life plan together (embarking on the same journey) will strengthen individual efficacy and instrumentality. Focus on the days ahead, and form a strategy to achieve short-term and long-term goals: Taking a long vacation, completing a house project, or purchasing a home.

The Don’ts of Love and Relationships

  1. Never betray your partner’s trust.
  2. Playing on each other’s weaknesses.
  3. Overreacting.

Never betray your partner’s trust

If your mate trusts you enough to be vulnerable with you, don’t repeat what they’ve shared with you to anyone. Don’t even discuss it with them unless they initiate the conversation.

Playing on each other’s weaknesses

Instead of focusing on your partner’s weakness, start with emphasizing their strengths. When continually bringing up what he/she is doing wrong animosity takes over. A relationship can’t be improved by scrutinizing your partner and emphasizing their flaws. Be gentle and affirm your love for them.


Before you start over analyzing a situation and expecting the worse, think – “Is this really as big a deal as I’m making it out to be?” Instead of overreacting, express your feeling to them and let them know why you feel that way. Many misunderstandings are amplified by our fears and insecurities. Before taking the low road, ask yourself if it’s worth it.

When we find ourselves in the company of love, it’s our responsibility to nurture it, tend to it, and help it flourish. Happily ever after is possible if we pay attention and give 150 percent.

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Self Love

Finding Self-Love is Like Walking a Labyrinth

Labyrinth with shelter in the center

“Life’s challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they’re supposed to help you discover who you are.”-Bernice Johnson Reagon

When I began to realize many people in committed relationships find it challenging to be honest and authentic with their partners, I began to question my clients to understand what was happening.  I discovered that vulnerability and transparency, two crucial components of finding self-love and true intimacy, were the biggest challenges.

People disclosed that they feared being ridiculed or rejected if they were seen by the ones they loved.  What came from that finding was my first book, The Honey Jar: Tips and Tools For Couples, which includes my formula for finding self-love.

Before we can experience a true and loving relationship, we must accept ourselves just the way we are, and self-acceptance/self-love is a challenge in and of itself – it’s like walking a labyrinth.

The Formula to Finding Self-Love

Courage + Faith + Trust + Honesty = Self Love

Courage to Face Your Fears

Self-love requires courage. It takes courage to be yourself, allowing your mate to see you. That can’t really happen if you’re not authentic.  When you’re afraid that your partner may not feel the same way about you, once they learn your other facets, then consider yourself lucky. That person isn’t your “Person.”

Faith in a Higher Power

Did you know that every time you conspire negative feelings about yourselves or your capabilities, you deny there’s an Infinite Intelligence, (God, Source, The Universe) that created us, and breathes us each day?  Although you can’t see it, it’s here and it has your back, and that is what we have faith in.  Our higher power.  The quote below is from The Honey Jar, stated by one of my former students.

“Faith can hold us together and tear us apart.  The day I found faith within myself was the day I gave up.  I gave up trying to be someone I wasn’t, trying so hard to please others, and more over, I gave up on the belief that something was wrong with me.”

Trust in Yourself

Once you have faith, there’s trust.  Trust and faith go hand in hand, as they are twin components operating on different planes.  Trust is on a human, horizontal level of emotions, and feelings.  It works in this dimension, we trust in people or things.  We trust in our faith as we navigate the world on our journey.  You’ve got to trust that you’re good enough.

Being Honest with Yourself

Honesty in all relationships is the foundation of any relationship, especially the one you have with yourself.  Until you can lay all your cards on the table, and look yourself in the eye when it’s just you and You, there’s work that must be done.

“Self -love requires you to be honest about your current choices and thought patterns and undertake new practices that reflect self-worth.” -Caroline Kirk

Courage to face your fears, faith in a higher power, trust in yourself, and the ability to be honest with yourself is the formula that will take you to the center of the labyrinth, where you’ll begin to find self-love.

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Romantic Relationships

What Is True Intimacy and How Do We Experience It?

A couple lovingly holding each other which leads to true intimacy.

The meaning of true intimacy isn’t sex and bodies rubbing. That comes after honest sharing. True intimacy is eye to eye -soul to soul; feeling, seeing and knowing each other on the deepest level.

Often-times, people begin relationships backwards – sex first, then intimacy. Getting to know the person first usually results in more exploration and the desire to commit. The media sometimes gives only the romantic version of relationships; emphasizing the physical aspects of what it means to be close to someone. Couples that know how to explore other boundaries of satisfaction may have a better chance of staying together.

Research done by Dr. Anik Debrot and Dr. Amy Mulse, emphasizes the importance of emotional connections experienced with both partners. “Affection and the quality of the connection with a partner are a crucial part of the positive effects of sex in romantic relationships.”

After conducting four different studies on comparing the positive and negative effects of affection, each experiment had the same results. Partners reported high levels of relationship satisfaction when they expressed their intimacy for each other-using random acts of love (cooking for each other, surprise dates, or even cleaning up the house). When there was a lack of intimacy, it caused relationship distress (most common reasons couples seek therapy). How do you regain intimacy in your relationship?

Steps to Experiencing True Intimacy:

  1. Talk openly and start slow
  2. Keep it interesting
  3. Ask for what you need

Talking Openly

Communication is a key piece of healthy relationships. Healthy couples build a structure of language to help each other on a daily basis. Example: It’s vital to communicate about maintaining the house, or who’s responsible for dinner on Monday nights. Set time aside to discuss feelings and emotions that are important to you. This will help you remain connected to your partner and grow together, over time.

Keeping It Interesting

To keep things interesting-satisfy number two, of the Six Human Needs – Uncertainty. Create some variety and excitement in your relationship. I always suggest you step out of your comfort zone and attempt new things. That may include going to the theater, taking an extended day trip, or packing a romantic picnic.

Ask For What You Need

Your partner can’t read your mind (even though we wish they could). It’s your job to communicate how you feel emotionally and what you need from your partner at any given time. If you need help, it’s your responsibility to ask for it. This is a part of both talking openly and being comfortable with communicating with your partner and keeping things interesting.

If you find that asking is causing problems for you and your partner, don’t give up. This could just be due to the way you are communicating it to your partner. Remember that everyone has a different type of personality and likes to communicate in certain ways. It may take some work but by trying different ways of saying the same thing you will eventually figure out what works for you.

More Tips to Experience True Intimacy:

  • Bide your time and practice discipline.
  • Wait for sex if you’re just starting a relationship
  • Get to know your potential mate before you take the next step.

It may sound old fashioned, but it still hurts when someone feels misused. No one wins.

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