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Self Love

Finding Self-Acceptance

girl looking in the mirror and loving who she sees

Fear doesn’t have to control us. We all experience fear and anxiety in certain situations, some more than others, but it is our self worth and how we think about ourselves that drives us. We have talked before about the Four Components of Self-Love and how honesty, faith, trust and courage helps you realize who are, and love that person. Well now we are going dive a little deeper into each of these things to understand how they will bring you closer to finding self-acceptance.

It doesn’t take just one or two of these components, we need all for to finally come to the place of self-acceptance and self-love. When you love yourself you will be stronger about not accepting the things that are not good for you. You can stand up for yourself and say no to the things that you aren’t sure about or don’t want in your life.

Only you can change you. You have to go inside and do these things yourself. Have the courage to be honest with yourself about yourself. Have faith that you are not alone. Trust in the work that you are doing is working, that everything is going to be ok, and that you are better than ok.

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Self Love

Four Components to Self-Love

Many times, we just can’t wait to delve into a relationship.  You don’t want to wait.  You want instant gratification!  Right?  Have you been that person?  Does this sound like you?  Do you want to be in a relationship so badly you can taste it?  Well before you jump in, make sure you have your bases covered with these the four components to self-love.

It takes time to learn yourself, but when you learn to love yourself and who you are, you don’t feel like you have to be hasty and run into something you aren’t sure about. But when you are afraid of not being enough, then we begin to do things out of desperation, and that is not a good thing.

Finding self love is like walking a labyrinth, when you get to that place you don’t feel like you are not enough, and don’t care about what others think about you.

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Romantic Relationships

Avoid the Honey Jar

Jar of Honey - Avoid the Honey Jar

Two keys to a successful relationship are patience, and communication. If you’re in a relationship ask yourself if you’re patient. Do you have sufficient communication skills? It takes time to learn someone else. And when in a relationship that’s going to grow, it’s imperative to communicate openly. Jumping into a serious relationship too soon, may cause unnecessary complications. Love is sweet, but it can be sticky – like honey. You want to avoid the Honey Jar.

It’s great to be in love, but take your time with the other person and don’t jump straight into any relationship. Jumping in too deeply, too quickly is messy. With time you can learn that person for the first time or all over again and they can learn about you.

Not jumping into the Honey Jar is being kind to yourself because there may be repercussions into being too hasty. Too many people get hurt or blindsided by something in a persons life they didn’t expect, and by going slowly you can avoid learning about something too late.

If you would like to read more stories and learn more about the Honey Jar you can find my eBook on on Amazon at: http://amzn.to/2GSx5Zs

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Romantic Relationships

Be Kind to Your Partner

Couple hugging each other - Be Kind to Your Partner

So many things can happen in a day that can change your life forever. The decisions you make are lasting ones. You may not think about the consequences when you’re behaving in a certain way (positive or negative), but the effect is always permanent until it changes. My suggestion to you is to be kind – to yourself and to your partner. Take a listen …

Great relationships are built on communication. But having great communication means that you know how to be kind to your partner, even when you don’t agree on something.

Be kind to the person that you spend time with, that you live with, and that you love, especially if you have children. Children pick up what they see going on around them, not what you say.

Touch your partner often. Physical touch tells your partner that you are happy with them and want to be with them. If there is a void in your relationship or are in an argument and want to move on, placing your hand on their arm or leg can help calm them down and open up the line of communication.

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Romantic Relationships

The 5 Second Flirt

woman smiling in coffee shop | 5 Second Flirt

Are you in a relationship? Do you have a special someone? …or, are you recovering from a breakup? If you’re feeling broken hearted because you’re single, and Valentine’s Day is almost here, you can begin to make immediate changes.

In this video I teach you the 5 second flirt rule. It’s fun, and you can find someone to spend Valentine’s Day with. If not, you can at least begin to feel sexy again because you’re beginning to flirt, and someone thinks you’re beautiful.

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Spirituality

The Laws of the Universe

In a recent blog I wrote about the law of attraction and creating your own reality. I’m not sure if you got a chance to read it, so I’ve decide to talk about it.

You’ve probably heard the saying “where your thoughts go, your energy flows.” Well that’s precisely what it means to create your own reality. What we think about we manifest. You’ll learn about the journey that set me on this path, and 12 Universal laws.

The Laws of the Universe

  • Law of Divine Oneness
  • Law of Vibration
  • Law of Action
  • Law of Correspondence
  • Law of Cause and Effect
  • Law of Compensation
  • Law of Attraction
  • The Law of Perpetual Transmutation of Energy
  • Law of Relativity
  • Law of Polarity
  • Law of Rhythm
  • Law of Gender
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Spirituality

You Create Your Own Reality

Man using the Law of Attraction to create his own reality

Have you been listening lately? Keeping your ear to the ground? Have you felt the shift all around you? Not just politically, but everywhere? Well if you have, then you’ve heard about the Law of Attraction. That one, talked about Universal Law. There are at least 12 Universal Laws that I’ll list later, but the most talked about law is The Law of Attraction. The person talking about this law is Esther Hicks. She’s the woman affiliated with Abraham – a collective consciousness of non-physical beings who communicate to us – through her.

Sound weird? Well, maybe so, but many people feel differently. According to her schedule, Esther Hicks (Abraham), has 28 one-day seminars, 2 two-day workshops, and three cruises on the books for 2018. And if you don’t hurry the seats may sell out. That’s a bunch of talking, a lot of listening, and tons of money being made. Proof that many people follow her teachings.

The Law of Attraction

Esther Hicks, who used to be a part of Esther and Jerry (Jerry passed away in 2011), is an Inspirational Speaker who helps people understand they create their own reality. That’s right – you and me. How do we do this? By understanding the Universal Laws, especially the one that Esther usually talks about, the Law of Attraction. As the law states, our thoughts, feelings, words, and actions produce energies which, in turn attracts like energies.

Law of Attraction is fact not fiction. It’s physics – and quantum physics has shined the light on the power of the mind, and the impact our thoughts have on our lives. If we learn the Universal Laws, we can begin to have more of a say in the course of our lives. We don’t have to feel so powerless and out of control. Read the philosophies of some of the most powerful and successful people of our times. Napoleon Hill, Dale Carnegie, Nikola Tesla, Oprah Winfrey, and Jim Carrey to name a few. These people understood and practiced these laws.

I decided to go all out, risk sounding weird, and give you a nudge for the New Year. You don’t need to make a resolution. You probably do that every year. Why not experiment with your thoughts and feeling, and see what happens. How about deliberately choosing to be happy, and stop dwelling on those thing that make you feel bad. You can start today by being aware of the thoughts you think, and the way you feel. That’s the beginning of creating your own reality. Our ‘real worlds’, and everything else we can see are first created on the inside anyway. Doesn’t it make sense to be a participant in your life, and not just watch your life happen? Why not start the year off with something new? It just may change your life!

You know you create your own reality …

Laws of The Universe

  • Law of Divine Oneness
  • Law of Vibration
  • Law of Action
  • Law of Correspondence
  • Law of Cause and Effect
  • Law of Compensation
  • Law of Attraction
  • Law of Perceptual Transmutation of Energy
  • Law of Relativity
  • Law of Polarity
  • Law of Rhythm
  • Law of Gender

Happy New Year!

 

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Self Love

Achieving Intimacy Requires Self-Love

holding up a heart shape love yourself self-love

Recently I came across an article that I wrote in 2014 for the Long Beach Grunion Gazette called: COUNSELING KITCHEN: Achieving Intimacy Requires Self-Love that really inspired me this holiday season so I wanted to share it with all of you. It is about how it takes a person to love themselves before they can truly love someone else.

Self love is one of the most important ingredients in any relationship, and realizing that working on yourself is the first step in working on strengthening your relationship will help you find true intimacy faster. So here is the article with a few edits and added links. I hope you enjoy.

Intimacy. It’s the ultimate in coupledom, right? Well, that’s what everyone seems to say. But let us take pause and consider the word. What does it mean to be intimate? Is it physical or emotional? Can we explain to our partners the kind of closeness we are pursuing? Have we explained it to ourselves? If we reached intimacy, would we even recognize it? Where do we even start?

According to the esteemed author, feminist and social activist Bell Hooks, “Commitment to truth-telling lays the groundwork for the openness and honesty that is the heartbeat of love.”

So intimacy is allowing someone to see our soul?

But being intimate with someone includes more than just “the birds and the bees”–it requires courage and trust. Let’s face it: once the honey is gone and we realize the bee stings to protect itself we begin to wonder whether being close to someone is for the birds. Creating a sustainable, loving, healthy, romantic relationship – a solid partnership – is a difficult challenge. It requires a significant investment of ourselves, but exactly what and how much and when can often be a mystery. And even getting the formula right is no guarantee: Because there is no formula.

Yet we have what it takes to reach real intimacy—our real selves. It requires our honest, authentic communication. It means looking someone in the eyes and showing them our soul. It takes courage. It takes courage because we believe we have something to hide, and that belief makes us afraid to show ourselves to our partner. We keep our real selves a secret from the one we love, fearful they will not like what they see. Somewhere along the way, we’ve learned to like ourselves so little that we cannot imagine our partner could like us either. We are sure that if we were to be discovered, the deal would be broken, leaving us with what we dread most—being abandoned because we are not worthy.

Dr. Greg Baer, a medical doctor best known as a life coach and motivational speaker, writes about this in his book, Real Love: The truth about finding unconditional love & fulfilling relationships. “If the love you have for your significant other is not real, if it’s not unconditional, you will not be able to sustain happiness or your relationship.”

Being in a legitimate relationship, demands open communication. We must be accepting of ourselves to engage in an honest dialogue. Have you ever been in a conversation with someone and found you were not telling the truth, and responding in a way you believed they would? Truth telling requires courage, and courage translates into something bigger–the essential foundation for your journey to self-love.

The process can be arduous and confusing, like walking a labyrinth, and demands that we proceed slowly, with patience, mindfulness, trust—and self-acceptance. When we reach the center of the labyrinth we will have found self-love. It is then that we can participate in an intimate relationship.

Clinical psychologist John Welwood wrote, “When we reveal ourselves to our partner and find that this brings healing rather than harm, we make an important discovery – that intimate relationship can provide a sanctuary from the world of facades, a sacred space where we can be ourselves, as we are …This kind of unmasking – speaking our truth, sharing our inner struggles, and revealing our raw edges – is sacred activity, which allows two souls to meet and touch more deeply.”

True love happens with time and our willingness to be vulnerable. Intimacy is eye to eye – soul to soul.

Follow these tips on your road to self-acceptance:

  • Respect your feelings
  • Have the courage to express your feelings
  • Speak in I statements
  • Remember that you matter
  • You are perfect just the way you are!

At times self-expression can be a challenge, especially if you were taught as a child, that what you thought was not important. If self-expression is a challenge for you, feel free to contact me for a complimentary consultation.

Merry Christmas and Happy Hanukah!

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Romantic Relationships

Overreacting in Your Relationship: Understanding the Why

Overreacting and the power of touch

Overreacting is something we’ve all done before. Someone says something, or doesn’t have the right tone of voice and we get all bent out of shape. We’ve all done it. What was the reason you got upset?

Imagine this scenario. You’re enjoying a nice time with your partner, cooking dinner together, out on a date, or just spending time together at home. The conversation was going well and everything was flowing smoothly, when suddenly – the two of you went at it and you found yourself in the middle of an argument! Your feelings had been hurt or you’d become angry. Then no one was talking, and it got really uncomfortable. The argument was over, you looked around, and saw the rubble and wondered what just happened! Everything was a blur…

Why Do We Overreact?

I think I can safely say this has happened to many of us. How many times have you become upset, hurt, angry, uncomfortable, or any other negative emotion, because of what someone said to you? When you think back, was it actually because of what they said to you that caused those negative emotions, or was it because of the way they said it?

Usually these types of misunderstandings occur because we’re not listening to what’s being said, we’re listening to our partner’s physiology; their facial expression, their tone of voice, or their body language. When this happens, it’s an indication that you’ve been triggered by a look, a tone, or a gesture.

Understanding Your Triggers

According to Psych Central, “a trigger is something that sets off a memory tape or flashback transporting the person back to the event of her/his original trauma. Triggers are very personal; different things trigger different people. The survivor may begin to avoid situations and stimuli that she/he thinks triggered the flashback.”

When we see something in our partner that reminds us of something that didn’t make us feel good, we tend to react in an unpleasant way. But by understanding that what happened then has nothing to do with what is going on in your life now, you can make a positive difference in your relationship.

When you’re aware of your triggers, you’re free to choose the emotions that are most beneficial to you, and those around you. The emotions that no longer serve you are the ones you need to release. The tips below will help you listen without overreacting, and if you feel the trigger has been activated, you’ll know how to contain your composure.

Tips to Prevent Overreacting

  • Breathe deeply to regain your composure
  • Acknowledge your past has nothing to do with your partner.
  • Listen to the words being said.

If you have overreacted and now want to make up with your partner without causing more pain, then enjoy this free gift: The Power of Touch. Just like a trigger can cause you to overreact, the touch of another person can calm you down. Download this assignment to learn more and see if this will work for you.

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Romantic Relationships

The Art of Flirting

Happy couple flirting and kissing - The Art of Flirting

“First best is falling in love. Second best is being in love. Least best is falling out of love. But any of it is better than never having been in love.”  —Maya Angelou

Kate Jones, of Co-Operative Foods, commissioned a study that found couples start taking each other for granted three and half years into their marriage. The poll of 2,000 married adults indicated three years is the point where couples lose the dating buzz. The couples in the poll prefer sleep over sex, and stop saying ‘I love you’. The research also showed after three and a half years, cuddling up on the couch together, going to bed at the same time, and eating dinner together became a thing of the past.

Physical intimacy is usually the first thing to go when a couple’s going through a rough patch. When things aren’t working in the relationship, there are three things happening. First there is a communication breakdown. Then one, or both of you shut down. Finally, there’s no sign of love to be found.

And during this time, undoubtedly one of you is thinking, if not saying aloud, ‘don’t touch me’. But I’ve got a surprise that can assist you when you’re coming out of your funk, and you’re ready to make-up. It’ll keep the spark alive, and the disagreements to a minimum.

Flirting Your Way Back to Romance

Just because this case study draws this conclusion, doesn’t necessarily mean this is your fate. Those statistics don’t have to include you and your lover. You can be the exception. But if you feel your relationship is headed in that direction, you have to bring it back on course.

Earlier this year I posted a five-day challenge for my Facebook group, Kiva’s Corner: Bringing Light to Your Relationship. The challenge was called Reignite Your Relationship. Each day offered PowerPoint slides to help the contestants improve their relationships. I thought this challenge important because it helped people see what they took for granted in their relationships, and how they could reignite the romance – rekindle the spark.

On the first day of the challenge, they learned to practice the art of flirting. Do you flirt with your partner? It seems that once people enter a relationship, they believe flirting with their mate is no longer necessary. Wrong! The same things you did when you first met your significant other, are the same things you must continue to do to keep the love alive. I’ve made the slides available to everyone so you can begin to bring the sexy back in your relationship.

Just click the button below for access to the slides, and if you do the simple homework, I promise you’ll see a difference.

I hope you enjoy, and let me know your results in the comments section.

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