Last week I started this story and gave you 6 tips for getting back in the dating game that I learned when I started dating again after a bad break-up. If you haven’t read that yet, I suggest you go back and read it now.
Needless to say, the online dating scene didn’t quite work for me, so I removed my profile and resumed my life. But not too long after that fiasco, I attended my friend’s Bay Day (what she calls her annual beach party). I remember it clearly because I had to leave early to go to my Mom’s house for her birthday. The day was ease and flow. Nice.
The next week my friend called and told me a guy who I’d met at her party was interested in me. She said he’d been asking her for my number since the beach party. I was flattered, but not really interested. I didn’t even remember who the guy was. I asked her if she knew him, and she told me he was her neighbor and she assured me he was a nice guy.
Now this is cool because I can share with you some of the do’s and things to watch out for when feeling out a new relationship. I’m smiling as I write this, remembering it all. We’re always learning – no matter our age or life experiences.
I’m going to refer to him as Bi-continental, as he lived here and there. ? In the beginning, as with most beginnings, things were exciting and fun. He was a total gentleman. He was complimentary, interesting, successful, and smart about a lot of things. He seemed to be into me, and with time, I began to like him. Oh yeah, did I mention he was sexy? Well he was to me.
As our conversations got deeper, and I observed him without the rose-colored glasses, I realized we wanted different things. I wanted a committed relationship, and he was only looking for fun. I noticed when we’d go out – and we’d always do something together – his mantra was, “This is so fun.” Sometimes it’d seem like he was in his own little world without my company, reveling in the fun. Now don’t get me wrong, I love to have fun, but if you’re just spending time with me because you want a fun buddy, please let me in so I can make a decision.
I started to notice his impatience with me, in terms of my values. The more time we spent together, the more I could see he liked a good argument. That is quite the opposite of me, as I’d rather resolve conflict, or not have them at all. So, with time we let the relationship fade to black.
When dating, make sure to:
- Be yourself
- Use your voice
- Be observant
- Have fun
- Let them know what you want from the relationship
But watch out for:
- Changes in behavior/theirs or yours
- Verbal coercion – don’t be forced to change you values
- Your happiness declines- if you’re unhappy or uncomfortable
Bi-continental was a nice guy, but he also had a side to him that wasn’t so nice, and he wasn’t afraid to show it. In the relationship, I was transparent and allowed him to see me. There must have been things about me that didn’t agree with him. But that’s fine, because how can a future mate get to know us if we keep ourselves from them?
We enter a relationship with the idea of sharing our life with someone. If you find it’s a struggle in the beginning, you’ll only get more of that throughout the relationship. You’re worth anything that you can conceive. Stay true to who you are, while growing along the way, and life will bring you the gifts that you allow.