You know, the reason I started working with couples is because my own relationship failed.  We were great together when things were going well, yet we didn’t know how to get through those tough times-when thigs were not going well. Those were the times when we weren’t great together.

That was over 20 years ago, and since then I’ve become an expert on, the subject of relationships, male & female interaction, and communication.

I work with couples – people wanting to be in a relationship, and those who are heart-broken and coming out of them.  Believe it or not, there’s a common thread between all those phases of relationships.  I began to see this a few months after I begin working with couples.



I realized that people were looking to their partners for love, and happiness.  Completion.  You must first look to yourself for love and happiness.  Now this may sound like it makes no sense, but it’s exactly true.  There is no way your partner can make you happy or make you – love you.  Many people enter a relationship expecting to be given these components by their partner.  However, when this occurs, the relationship is in jeopardy.  Going into a relationship with the wrong expectation of what’s to come – in terms of acquiring love and happiness from your significant other – is not fair to the other person.  Your partner can, and will add happiness to your life, and can and will offer love, which generates loving feelings.  But that’s all they can do.  In a healthy relationship, couples complement each other.  When you’re happy, happiness flow through your relationship.  When you have self-love, it’s easier to accept the love of your partner, which makes for a loving relationship.  Self-love and personal happiness is your responsibility.



I will reiterate. Self-love and personal happiness are your responsibilities.  The common thread I’ve seen throughout the years, is one of lack of personal development.  There’s been no personal growth.  Somewhere along the path, many people have simply stopped.  Smackdab in the middle of their lives, they’ve failed to move.  They’ve frozen.  They’ve allowed their minds to go numb, and they’re closed to new ideas.  They appear to have discontinued thinking for themselves and would much rather hand “it” over to someone else.  “It” being their lives.

Example:  Let’s call him Charlie.  Charlie’s been going to school for quite some time.  Once he obtained his academic goals, he began the rat-race of life.  Working his dream job, marrying the hot girl, moving up the ladder of success.  With a lovely wife, three beautiful children, a vacation home on the beach, and disposable income – Charlie’s made it.  Yet, when Charlie came into my office, his problems (according to him) were his wife.  He wasn’t happy and wasn’t sure he loved her anymore…



After our initial 90-minute session, Charlie realized he hadn’t been in motion. He had been stifled.  He hadn’t done anything to continue his personal, or spiritual growth.  Stagnation convinced him he was no longer in love with his wife, and that she was the cause for his unhappiness.   In actuality, the only person that had anything to do with Charlie’s unhappy feelings, was Charlie.  You see, he had stayed in the same place he was in when he completed his original life goals.  Charlie didn’t continue to grow.  He found himself blaming his wife for everything that had to do with his need to develop himself. We all need consistent Personal Development.



  1. Absorb Yourself in Personal Development Books.
  2. It Begins Within – Meditation helps you to reach your center.
  3. Treat your relationship like it’s a new relationship.
  4. Appreciate & Respect your partner.

Try these 4 simple secrets for the next 30 days and see how your relationship shifts.

Let me know your experience by leaving a comment at

Facebook group: The #1 Love Doctor 

Dr. Wielenga

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