Blog The Coaching Kiva

Is There A Reason For The Change?


Love changes life images

Question:  Do you become a different person once in a romantic relationship?  If so – why?

While having dinner with a dear friend a few nights ago, I asked her what she would like to read about in my Coaching Kiva blog.  She said she is interested in people’s behaviors – why they do the things they do.  When I asked her to be more specific, she began telling me how she is experiencing feelings of abandonment since many of her friends have married.  She told me they no longer call, come by or, spend time with her.


Today, as I considered the conversation we had, I decided to ask another woman I know if she agrees with my friend.  The woman said she thinks the reasons for the change in behaviors once many people become romantically linked, may be based on the type of relationship they’ve had with them.  People see us in ways we may not imagine.  We may simply be fulfilling a need for them that is very different from the need they are fulfilling for us.

Types of friendships:

There are people we think about calling when we want to party, because they’re fun.  Then, there are those we call to pass the time because we’re bored.   Lastly, there are the ones we consider our friends.  Those are the people we know we can really count on – the ones we can trust, and we genuinely like to be around.  These are the people we truly consider friends.  We enjoy going clothes shopping with them, we like to spend lazy Sunday afternoons at the movies or watching a game with them.  With these people, we welcome having honest meaningful conversations.  They get us and we love them for it.


So, the reasons why some of our friends’ behaviors change once they become romantically linked may be because they don’t consider the relationship a bonafide friendship.

We are possibly fulfilling a need that is not in the friendship category.

  • Remember:
    • We all have different needs that we are trying to meet.
    • Know what type of relationship you’re in.
    • Enjoy it for what it is.
    • If you’re not getting what you need – have a conversation with that person.
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