Somewhere in the middle of your long talks, silly jokes, and little fights, you fell in love with your significant other. To maintain this healthy relationship, you need to remember to never go to bed angry or upset. Some couples may find it easier then others, but the key is to not ignore the problem, and address it in a timely manner. Life is but a journey in which you need a set of tools. Having those tools helps the couple’s communication result in less conflict, and a happier relationship.
Running away from our problems creates a tornado effect; leaving a devastating ‘mark’ on the relationship. This week, The Coaching Kiva is going to give you some exercises to help you and your partner.
Step 1: Define the problem
Step 2: Be patient and listen
Step 3: Brainstorm/Proposal
Step 4: Agree on a solution
Define the Problem:
After a long day at work, your hubby comes home and the house is a mess. You start arguing, which ends with the bedroom door slamming, and your husband getting the silent treatment. What do you do? We find that people’s first response to conflict results in a defensive behavior, adding fire to the situation known as an Adrenergic response. This is when your central nervous system is overstimulated and one of two things occur. Your sympathetic or parasympathetic nervous system takes over (known as fight or flight).
Be Patient and Listen
Whatever the confrontation is about, first stop, listen, and process the information. If your significant other is giving you the silent treatment and is upstairs in the bedroom. Stop! Your emotional dilemma has triggered the fight or flight response. By taking twenty minutes to take a step back and analyze the situation, you allow the endorphins pumping adrenaline into your system to subside. Now you can make your proposal or bid.
A proposal is effectively communicating an alternative or solution to the dilemma at hand. You realize your partner is having a bad day, and didn’t follow through with their promise to clean up the house. This is your opportunity to create an opening for your proposal or bid, and start
brainstorming a possible-solutions.
Agree on a solution
You open the bedroom door and ask your partner what’s wrong, as you embrace each other. She starts crying and says she had a terrible day at work and is very stressed out. The last thing she wants is to come home to a messy house. You present the idea of making a chore list and a schedule (the argument is over).
Relationships are like birds, if you hold too tightly they die. If you hold too loosely, they fly. But if you hold with care, they remain with you forever (rose nectar).
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The Coaching Kiva
Dr. Lateefah Wielenga
Your Bridge to a Life of Satisfaction and Fulfillment,
Article by Paul Newcombe