Reconnecting with Your Partner


Society and social media tell us that when we lose our intimacy and connection with our significant other it’s time to move on; I’m here to tell you that this is wrong and it’s time to reconnect with your partner. A relationship is a product of intimacy (not just sex), trust, and ALOT of work.

Maslow’s Hierarchy of needs (love and belonging) teaches that neglect, past relationship problems, and ostracism can affect individuals’ abilities to form and maintain relationships. So, what does this all mean? Rebuilding your relationship can be as easy as increasing communication, work on emotional dissonance, and bring the romance back.


Did you know 95% of arguments are communication-related? If you want more depth and connection with your partner, you need to express your concerns and communicate effectively. As a male, I know how frustrating and difficult it is to talk about feelings; being emotionally available is the first barrier to hurdle. This can be as simple as saying, “I don’t want to talk right now because I am frustrated” or “I’m here for you, just tell me what you need.” Lastly, don’t play the guessing game; if you’re unsure, ask!

Emotional dissonance

Communication and emotional dissonance are 2 sides of the same coin, creating a chain reaction. Emotional dissonance is a feeling of unease, and when it occurs, is evaluated as a threat to his or her identity. This can happen when we approach our loved one in a condescending manner or start playing the blame game.

To avoid this, practice by telling yourself you’re feeling on edge and you’re going to respect your partner; reminding yourself not to blame, by using the word “You”. God made two ears to listen, and one mouth to talk.

The last blueprint to any relationship is the Romance (not just sex).  Let sex be an expression of intimacy to strengthen your present connection. Start by taking them to their favorite restaurant, bring them to a movie, or go out of your way to make them a special gift. Romance is an effort, not an obligation.


To rebuild a severed or disconnected relationship with someone, first concentrate on rebuilding communication. At the same time, work on how you approach confrontation by avoiding blame, and the use of the “you” word. Finally, every relationship needs a little romance; the more attractive part being the effort. Be that Someone who really wants to talk to him/her, see them, and be a part of their life.

Your Bridge to a Life of Satisfaction and Fulfillment,


Dr. Wielenga


Phone:(562) 895-0516


The Coaching Kiva

Article by Paul Newcombe

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