Most people want to be in an intimate relationship. It does something for their psyche. It makes them feel safe – a part of someone – a part of something that allows them to feel they’re invincible. Having a partner or a spouse usually satisfies at least three of the Six Human Needs, which are Certainty, Variety, Significance, Love/Connection, Growth and Contribution. When you’re in a satisfying relationship, most if not all of these needs are met. However, many romantic unions begin as satisfying and dissolve into less than what’s expected.
It’s Not Working
When a relationship transitions into something that’s not working, many people continue to remain in the bathetic crucible and complain that they’re unhappy. Because you enjoy someone’s company and you share things of a common nature, doesn’t mean you’ve met your ideal mate. If you don’t share the same life and relationship goals – if what you see beyond the imaginary horizon doesn’t match the vision of your partner, then that person’s not for you.
Your intuition’s been telling you that s/he is the wrong person. You’ve been together for over three years and one of you wants a permanent commitment – to be married – and the other is happy with things being just the way they are. Steve Harvey, in his book Straight Talk, No Chaser calls this The Standoff. Although this book is written primarily for women, because in our culture women are usually the ones who are pushing for marriage, it also applies to men. Steve says, “Men understand why you stay. You rationalize it’s better to keep us and be halfway happy, even if you don’t get your wedding day …than to risk being alone.”
Being in a relationship allows you to feel like you’re invincible. Yet your power and strength come from the inside. Not from a man, a woman or a relationship. Until you understand your worth and recognize your true power, everyone you encounter will know how you feel about YOU, and will treat you that way. The commitment will not materialize until you’ve made the commitment to yourself. Then you will be invincible!